Through our B-School, people always participated in contests which required them to make Business Plans!!! To me, the ones that made it through and won contests always seemed obscure!!! Not sure why --- Chances are high that it was because I never participated in them --- or when I did somebody else won them!!!
But after much deliberation I have finally worked out my own unique B-Plan ---- "Rent A Friend"
Some of my friends have heard of this plan and do not think much of it!!! I do not grudge them their jealousy of the fact that they could not think of this on their own earlier!!!
My plan is not for the faint-hearted and more than anything else requires conviction and the belief that you are living in a neighbourhood sorrounded by Rich People who do not have time for anything other than themselves!!!
B-Plan Module (Phase-by-Phase Operation Module)
(Multiple Operations required to make Franchisee Module a Success):
Phase 1:
> Locate yourself in a city where most families are dual-income families (Ex.- Gurgaon, Delhi, Bombay, Chennai, Banglore etc... more importantly the first 2 cities mentioned in the list)
> Ensure these families have ONLY one child
> Ensure the couple have no time for themselves or each other; Let alone the Child
> Child's best friend is Ayyah (Indian for Nanny)
> Be close to the family with the Child (Please ensure this family does not have more than 1 child --- Your B-Plan will take belly dive and fall flat on its nose in the event that they have more than 1)
> Ensure they have an Ayyah who takes care of both the Boxer (pet dog ---- your adopted family cannot adopt a mongrel for a pet, has to be one of pedigree [not the Dog Food brand]) and the Child
Phase 2:
> Have a child of your own
> Quite simple (I hope I do not need to go into the details of how this needs to be done --- In India we are well versed with this)
Phase 3:
> Have more such children basis the number of families you have found in Phase 1 (No. of children will differ basis locality ---- But sometimes No. of attempts to have those many children might not* [Old Indian Statistical Saying])
Phase 4:
> Deprive the children that you have of any kind of Social Interaction
> This is easier than most people imagine ---- Simple!!!
>>> Lock them up in a room for 20hrs a day...
>>> Let them out for 1 hr...
>>> Tie them to a leash and take them out for a walk for 1Hr...
>>> Give them some water and something to eat for 1Hr!!!
> See??? Very Easy!!! 24 Hrs taken care off!!! (For the remaining 1Hr which is not accounted for, brush their hair)
Phase 5:
> After a period of 3-5yrs approach these well-to-do families (Read --- Phase 1)
(Chances are high that they are fed-up with their child by now --- surprising, considering they did not have the time for their child when (S)he actually had the potential to be cute)
> Introduce your own Socially Deprived Child to this affluent child
Phase 6:
> Profits Enjoy Maadi!!!
Point very simple ---- In this day and age it is a Win-Win Situation for everone concerned :
For the PARENT:
They can sack the Ayyah and employ your child... Let us face facts, was the Ayyah really capable of being as good a friend of their child as yours is???
For YOUR Child:
Since you have starved your child of any Social Interaction, (S)he is very happy to finally be in the company of someone/anyone (better if it is someone/anyone their own age)!!! Plus how many 3 year olds get to say they are the bread-winners for their family???
For Affluent (Self-Indulgent + "I'm Doing this for my Family") Parent:
Simple --- You provide cheaper solution than Ayyah --- But since this is a B-Plan you do it on a Retainer Basis ---- Per year so much + So much for Man Power on hourly basis for Over-Time + Usual Agency Mark-Up... But benefits include --- No additional charge if my kid gets creative on how to entertain your kid etc....
But ensure your kids are pulled out by the age of 15 --- this is the age when they can actually start paying the birth-parents dividends if they were to be rented out as Casual Labour!!!
For YOU (B-Plan King/Queen):
You are probably the only people out here who are working for the greater common good without looking into what is in it for you!!! You might take money from "the indulgent parent" for your "Rent A Friend" services!!! But more often than not you end up spending this money on yourself ---- Why??? The answer once again is Selflessness!!!
So that you can have more Children to give back to this Great Enterprise which will benefit your own child + another child by way of a friend + A Couple who want to have children but do not want to have the time to take care of them!!!
Please contribute to this Great Enterprise ---- Not in Cash but In (Kin)d!!! Let us ensure that through each and every act of kindness on our part no spoilt rich brat in any part of India (primarily in Delhi & Gurgaon) is left with only an Ayyah and (him/her)self to play with!!!
Please forward this particular message to atleast 20 of your friends (through FB/Twitter/Gmail and any other new Modus Communicandi you have)... In the event that you don't, nothing will happen to you!!!
But chances are high that My B-Plan will not find adequate sponsors and as a result a Socially Deprived Child might not find someone to interact with, A Rich Spoilt Brat might not find someone to play with, A Self-Indulgent Parent will have to unnecessarily pay an Ayyah and a Poor Indian Parent might eventually have to give out their children for Casual Labour at the age of 3 instead of 15!!!
Jai Hind!!!
