B-School Memories (For Better or for Worse)

I think this is a topic which has been rendered by anyone who has been to a B-School (and can easily be faked by any blogger who has never been to B-School but follows the blogs of those who have been to one)... But this one's Nostalgia for the sake of Nostalgia and in order to record my memories of my first few weeks in Pune!!!

I landed up in Pune having given up an admission to a college based in Mumbai (in Vidya Vihar ---- OK I don't want you guys to have  a hard time guessing it.... It was KJ Somaiya ---- like most of you who'll take the time to read this even cared), purely because of the undulating roads which approached my college during my first visit there.... But little was I to know how these roads got when it started raining and how much lesser was the motivation to get to college when your house was strategically placed above Sapna Bar (which sent alcohol up to your house if you sent a bucket down before closing hours!!!)

But my 2 years in Pune was complete because of the following reasons:
> Through my tenure there, SIBM was ranked 4th in the country --- Something our Director was very proud of (evident in the way he used to always show 4 fingers to everyone in college --- extended to people outside college as well --- when asking for 5Star Chocolate he showed only 4 fingers since SIBM was ranked 4th and that was sweeter for him)
> I met my 2 best friends and eventually room-mates while in the middle of a Statistics lecture (the circumsatnces for the same will be shared later --- What the hell!!! I'll share it now... The Prof asked people to send across questions to the podium and half way through I got bored and replied to one of the questions.... Turns out the chit I replied to and passed back before it got to the podium was my future room-mate and good friend)
> We found a guy searching for another guy, fabled to have 8GB of porn on a laptop, owned by him prior to B-School (both the Porn and the Laptop --- rare commodity) and made him our fourth room-mate
> We rented a house right on top of a Bar... And not just any Bar... SAPNA BAR... DREAM BAR (for those of you who didn't manage to learn Hindi the way I did)

But my 2 years in SIBM had its own downturns:
> Everyone who came in from anywhere else other than the South of the Vindyas and had only done BA or BSc said they did it with "Honours".... For my fragile South-Indian ego (lack of knowledge of Hindi is one thing... but most TamBrahms are supposed to be Engineers, I was only B.Sc Statistics), I realised that the only course that I did lacked any Honour... And was immediately under pressure to redeem myself though this MBA and as a recourse tried joining PAT (Placement Advisory Team) --- Clearly I didn't have the discipline necessary to get though that also with any Honour!!!
> I tried to be good at some sport or the other ---- While I had the necessary skill an old nemesis got in the way --- Et Tu "Old Monk" --- I cursed the fact that I got into advertising before my SIBM Days
> I tried to be a good student and curry favours with the Proffies... But that went down the drain when people told me I had to attend classes regularly!!!

This is like "The Good --- The Bad --- And --- Guess What???" ---- To Be continued

B-Plan ---- "Rent A Friend"

Through our B-School, people always participated in contests which required them to make Business Plans!!! To me, the ones that made it through and won contests always seemed obscure!!! Not sure why --- Chances are high that it was because I never participated in them --- or when I did somebody else won them!!!

But after much deliberation I have finally worked out my own unique B-Plan ---- "Rent A Friend"

Some of my friends have heard of this plan and do not think much of it!!! I do not grudge them their jealousy of the fact that they could not think of this on their own earlier!!!

My plan is not for the faint-hearted and more than anything else requires conviction and the belief that you are living in a neighbourhood sorrounded by Rich People who do not have time for anything other than themselves!!!

B-Plan Module (Phase-by-Phase Operation Module)

(Multiple Operations required to make Franchisee Module a Success):

Phase 1:

> Locate yourself in a city where most families are dual-income families (Ex.- Gurgaon, Delhi, Bombay, Chennai, Banglore etc... more importantly the first 2 cities mentioned in the list)

> Ensure these families have ONLY one child

> Ensure the couple have no time for themselves or each other; Let alone the Child

> Child's best friend is Ayyah (Indian for Nanny)

> Be close to the family with the Child (Please ensure this family does not have more than 1 child --- Your B-Plan will take belly dive and fall flat on its nose in the event that they have more than 1)

> Ensure they have an Ayyah who takes care of both the Boxer (pet dog ---- your adopted family cannot adopt a mongrel for a pet, has to be one of pedigree [not the Dog Food brand]) and the Child 

Phase 2:

> Have a child of your own

> Quite simple (I hope I do not need to go into the details of how this needs to be done --- In India we are well versed with this)

Phase 3:

> Have more such children basis the number of families you have found in Phase 1 (No. of children will differ basis locality ---- But sometimes No. of attempts to have those many children might not* [Old Indian Statistical Saying])

Phase 4:

> Deprive the children that you have of any kind of Social Interaction

> This is easier than most people imagine ---- Simple!!!

>>> Lock them up in a room for 20hrs a day...

>>> Let them out for 1 hr...

>>> Tie them to a leash and take them out for a walk for 1Hr...

>>> Give them some water and something to eat for 1Hr!!!

> See??? Very Easy!!! 24 Hrs taken care off!!! (For the remaining 1Hr which is not accounted for, brush their hair)

Phase 5:

> After a period of 3-5yrs approach these well-to-do families (Read --- Phase 1)

(Chances are high that they are fed-up with their child by now --- surprising, considering they did not have the time for their child when (S)he actually had the potential to be cute)

> Introduce your own Socially Deprived Child to this affluent child

Phase 6:

> Profits Enjoy Maadi!!!

Point very simple ---- In this day and age it is a Win-Win Situation for everone concerned :

For the PARENT:

They can sack the Ayyah and employ your child... Let us face facts, was the Ayyah really capable of being as good a friend of their child as yours is???

For YOUR Child:

Since you have starved your child of any Social Interaction, (S)he is very happy to finally be in the company of someone/anyone (better if it is someone/anyone their own age)!!! Plus how many 3 year olds get to say they are the bread-winners for their family???

For Affluent (Self-Indulgent + "I'm Doing this for my Family") Parent:

Simple --- You provide cheaper solution than Ayyah --- But since this is a B-Plan you do it on a Retainer Basis ---- Per year so much + So much for Man Power on hourly basis for Over-Time + Usual Agency Mark-Up... But benefits include --- No additional charge if my kid gets creative on how to entertain your kid etc....

But ensure your kids are pulled out by the age of 15 --- this is the age when they can actually start paying the birth-parents dividends if they were to be rented out as Casual Labour!!! 

For YOU (B-Plan King/Queen):

You are probably the only people out here who are working for the greater common good without looking into what is in it for you!!! You might take money from "the indulgent parent" for your "Rent A Friend" services!!! But more often than not you end up spending this money on yourself ---- Why??? The answer once again is Selflessness!!!

So that you can have more Children to give back to this Great Enterprise which will benefit your own child + another child by way of a friend + A Couple who want to have children but do not want to have the time to take care of them!!!

Please contribute to this Great Enterprise ---- Not in Cash but In (Kin)d!!! Let us ensure that through each and every act of kindness on our part no spoilt rich brat in any part of India (primarily in Delhi & Gurgaon) is left with only an Ayyah and (him/her)self to play with!!!

Please forward this particular message to atleast 20 of your friends (through FB/Twitter/Gmail and any other new Modus Communicandi you have)... In the event that you don't, nothing will happen to you!!!

But chances are high that My B-Plan will not find adequate sponsors and as a result a Socially Deprived Child might not find someone to interact with, A Rich Spoilt Brat might not find someone to play with, A Self-Indulgent Parent will have to unnecessarily pay an Ayyah and a Poor Indian Parent might eventually have to give out their children for Casual Labour at the age of 3 instead of 15!!! 

Jai Hind!!!

Why do I Drink/Smoke???

A lot of people I meet with recently have commented on my Tobacco-Stained teeth... And more often than not in front of my Mother!!! I am faced with 4 options to weasel my way out of the discussion:

1) Tell them I do not Brush my teeth daily

2) Admit to the fact that I smoke a lot

3) Irrespective of how far-fetched it is, tell them that I am a heavy passive smoker

4) Tell them my Mother is a heavy smoker and that I inherited her teeth

Instead, I tell them I am a Patriot!!! A person who puts the Well-Being of his country ahead of himself!!!

And I am not wrong!!! For only a true patriot would drink/smoke for his Economy!!!

Those who don't drink/smoke are traitors!!! It is a myth that the tobacco Industry in India contributes to lesser than 2% of our GDP!!! Even if this were true, then we all know what the secret behind the current recession is!!!

Lesser Indians drinking and smoking!!!

In 1999-2000 when Tobacco's contribution to our GDP was in excess of 13% and Alcohols's in excess of 11% we were not facing a recession!!!

So too in the case of 2009-2010 when Tobacco's contribution stood at 17.1% and Alcohol's at 13.3%!!!

So what has caused this sudden recession??? I'll tell you what!!! Lesser Indians Drinking and Smoking for their Motherland!!!  

Like Uganda, India is an outlier in the correlation between GDP and alcohol consumption, though in a different way: While per capita income in India more than doubled between 1993 and 2003, alcohol consumption did not rise at all. (The FAO, which gathers different data, indicates it did rise, but only slightly.)

(Source ---- World Resources Institute)

So what does this mean???

That we Indians have become more selfish!!! We look at saving money and our Health and are not thinking about our Country!!!

Look at all these Matrimonial Sites for instance... Most parents are asking for a Boy with "Good, Clean Habits"... Is being Patriotic and Drinking for your country not a "Good, Clean Habit"??? I have decided that I will only marry a Woman... And I shall marry an Indian Woman at that because....

While alcohol consumption is low overall, it's even lower in women than in men in India, as in many countries. Though data is limited, studies through 2000 consistently estimated prevalence of alcohol use among Indian women at less than 5 percent. In addition, there is a persistent belief that women who drink alcohol are either less educated, rural women or members of the upper crust, leading to a stereotype that associates alcohol use with primitivism or privilege.

However, drinking is becoming more commonplace for India's professional women, causing the gap between drinking habits of women and men in India to narrow--a phenomenon also happening around the world. As women become more educated and more economically independent, women's alcohol use in some societies is rising. (And men's alcohol use, interestingly, is falling in some European countries.)

(Source ---- World Resources Institute) ---- (Also explains why I will not marry an European man)!!!

Which leads me to why I'll marry someone from the Urban economy (Someone who earns more than me)...

One contributor in India is employment. Though labor force participation dropped between 1999 and 2002 for rural females, rural males, and urban males, it rose for urban females. Contrary to the historical stereotype, these urban females now consume alcohol at twice the rate of their rural counterparts.

(Source ---- World Resources Institute) --- So they are two-times more Patriotic!!!

I will only marry someone who thinks as deeply on the Indian economy as I do!!! If more of us were as Patriotic as me, we would get out of this recession in a Jiffy!!!

Sometimes, I think about what my mother used to tell me when I was a Kid!!! "Don't waste your food... Think about the number of children who are dying without Food!!!"

Those words have stuck with me to this day!!! Everytime I drink / smoke... I think of the number of children who are dying because they do not have access to either... And then I drink / smoke some more for their sake (always with a tear in my eye)!!!

Be a Patriot!!! Do the right thing!!! Drink for your Country!!! Smoke today so that someone else may have a future tomorrow!!!

Cheers!!! Jai Hind!!! Satyameva Jayate!!! Chacha Nehru Zindabad!!!

Being Ambitionless --- Being Ahead

I finished my last thread on having no ambition!!! A lot of people think of this as a negative trait!!! This is typically the image that people have of a person who has no ambition:

They might not be too far from the truth!!!

But the problem, more often than not, is that people confuse Day-Dreaming with being passionate about something!!!

It's not the same thing!!! Take it from a guy who Day-Dreams a lot!!!

Being ambitious means a lot of Hard Work!!! Frankly speaking no Day-Dreamer likes to work hard!!! I have in the last 28 years changed more than that many number of professions basis the comics/books/movies that I have been influenced by!!!

But to get back to the issue at hand (also refer to my previous Post), being ambitionless is a good thing!!! Why??? 

It literally means you have no expectations of yourself!!!! That's like the rock-bottom that a person can hit (if you were to view it negatively)!!! But it also means that if that's the expectation you set for yourself think about what other people will expect of you??? With the most below average performance in whatever you do you'll be considered exceptional!!!

But the most important thing is that you can float around in life without ever subjecting yourself to "Hard-Work"!!! The reason why I put those last few words in quote is simple!!! We as human beings, like to believe that whenever we work under stress (or when work comes to a standstill because of stress) are working hard!!!

Hence, the positive of being Ambitionless... You never "Work Hard"... and as a result are never "Under Stress" ( I put Under Stress in quotes because a person who faces it when they work are clearly not people who know how to do their work)!!!

To sum up!!! Lack in Ambition and lead in life!!! Cheers!!!

Mediocrity

I've realised that to do well in the Corporate World you need your reporting Managers to have low expectations of you!!! And in order to do that you need to consistently deliver lesser than what you are capable of!!!

If they think you are capable of more than what you actually are you will turn out to be a let down!!!

If they think you are capable of what you actually can than you end-up only meeting expectations and are thought to not be an Over-Achiever!!!

When they hold a very low opinion of you and think you are not capable of delivering what you very easily can, then even a job that stinks of Mediocrity will be applauded!!!

The above 3 scenarios have a very realistic impact on your rating and only the last one in a positive way!!!

And I have consistently seen that people who get good ratings and have moved up in life following the Dharma explained in the third!!! It is easy to preach this but very hard to practice!!! The people who follow this are experts at camouflaging their intelligence!!!

So the next time you see a "Dumb" person being promoted ahead of you, ask yourself this "Are they genuinely dumb or are they very good at acting stupid???"

Also I have realised that it is good to be ambitionless!!! When you want to get nowhere, life takes you places!!! But that's a discussion for another time!!!

AD Check

My first post.... Not really the most imaginative... But definitely something which can be extended with sequels for some time with a complete lack of imagination!!!

Given the complete lack of creativity on the TV these days and given my obsession with good ads, my first post is going to be the good ads that I have seen recently and also about ads that haven't worked for me!!! And I want to stick as far as possible to Indian Ads [God Knows that if this Blog lasts for more than a year and I have more posts on Indian Ads, I might be considered an expert and might get paid for positive reviews :)]

The ZooZoos have ruled the Indian TVC space for sometime now... But here is a look at some of the Campaigns that have worked for me over the last week:

The Reliance 3G ads:

Everybody has been climbing up the 3G space right now... Starting from the "Rajni" ZooZoo from Vodafone to the irritating 3 AB Jrs of IDEA... But the recent Reliance Ad seems to have broken the otherwise stronghold that Vodafone had created with their "Roobaroo" performance ad and the doubt creating "I'm a little Tea Pot" ad!!! Both ads work for their discontinuity!!! If you as a viewer were engrossed with something else when a Commercial Airs your attention would automatically be diverted to the TV when these commercials are being aired!!! Purely because you think that there is something wrong with either your connection or your TV.... And there in lies the Genius of the Creative Team!!! Hook you and then communicate!!! and the advantage of 3G has been communicated brilliantly in both ads and the Story Board would reflect that this issue of "Disconnectivity" has been way better explored by Reliance's Agency than IDEA's.... albeit they have been a tad late in releasing it!!!

MOM & ME:

Who said that the concept of "Kids and Dogs" has stopped selling products these days??? Not true... Especially when the product is supposed to cater to Moms to be.... (They can sell even otherwise ---- Refer to the above mentioned "I'm a little Tea Pot" Ad by Relaince)!!! This ad works for me because you have the recently "became a Mom" Tara Sharma with a Kid (not sure if it is actually hers) running through a shop!!! But in this case it is not the creative team as much as the Studio Team that should take the credit for this ad!!! The ad works purely because of its execution!!!

Parle - Hide & Seek MILANO:

This ad with Hritik (with a million 'H's to his name he will still be the Indian item Male with a huge cleavage) really did not work for me.... Unfortunately I think the Client has spent a huge amount on this ad.... (S)He could have saved that money and by just production costs could have funded a brilliant BTL initiative!!! The Spartan settings and intrigue created initially in this ad are completely ruined by the Creative Team trying to get Hritik Roshan to do something he is not good at --- Acting!!! Hritik has a tough time doing the afrore-mentioned On-Screen and comedy needs good actors!!! Unfortunately Hritik is not and as a result this ad falls flat on its face and is nothing more than a tick mark in the Brand Managers performance appraisal!!! Point is, when you are spending a lot on a celebrity, might as well use them for what they are actually good at --- Hritik's a good looking guy, use him for that, use him to dance (the earlier ad did it and it wasn't great but it wasn't a let down) ---- Case in point being Panasonic and their use of Katrina Kaif!!! They don't expect her to act!!! They expect her to look good in front of the cameras in their ad, and she does a brilliant job of it, hence, the Ad works!!!

Cheers!!!